oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If I die, sorry about rent.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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