Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
