Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize