I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
