the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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