Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
