In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
