just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize