i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
