can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Operation Purity has been aborted
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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