The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
