so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize