I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
