I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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