I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
