bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
