just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
