I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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