woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
