i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
