remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize