I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
