Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
