Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
