I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
