What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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