I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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