my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
