i may or may not be watching the land before time
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
