how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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