u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
