Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize