My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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