You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
