Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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