Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize