What a fucking waste of an outfit
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
