Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
