God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
