We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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