I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
