I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
