I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
