My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I think my fart just growled at me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
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