somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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