I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
