dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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