But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
