don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
