This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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