3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize