so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
