dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
