im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
