the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
