he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
