You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
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