oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Someone shit on the floor
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
