drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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