I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
