i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
