Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We are all done wearing pants today
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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