Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
why do cheetos always look like penises
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
