I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize