I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
