i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We don't watch enough power rangers
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
