i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You need a sexual gate keeper
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
