I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
