I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I deserve this hangover.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
