trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
