So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
