this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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