you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
