Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
