just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
