have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
